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They exchanged anxious glances. ‘Jack, we have to leave in a half hour or we won’t make our rendezvous with the refueling ship,’ Myra said. ‘I know Myra, but we have our orders.’ Jack looked again and wondered how long before that crowd burst the gates and came for them. At the front gate harried customs officials were trying to stamp exit visas as fast as they could to get as many people on the steamships as possible. The atmosphere was tense, the Japanese had dropped leaflets telling the city to surrender and reports from the north said there were warships in the Yangzee and an army in ships heading their way. This news scared the city badly and hundreds of desperate Westerners with papers and thousands of Chinese without papers were trying to enter the harbor, however they were blocked by what remained of the Shanghai police force. It was an anxious time for everyone, especially those outside the port gates milling about in the nervous crowd. Sam and Adeline were among those. I tried to tell myself it had all been Ramon taking the initiative; that I had been a victim of his desire. There would be no more secret lunches; no more private conversations. I was Oscar’s wife, the mother of his children and would remain so.But my conscience would not allow a lie so big to remain unchallenged. My belly was alive with excitement at the memory of what had happened, my heart was fluttering and the way Ramon had made me feel and despite all my silent prayers for fidelity, my tingling, shamefully-lubricating body was preparing itself for what it wanted to happen next.Over breakfast, the dark circles under my eyes told the story of my sleepless night to anyone who was looking, but besides a casual comment from my husband, no-one noticed what I believed were obvious rings of guilt.The morning passed in sheer agony. Work was next to impossible as I tried to convince myself not to go to the café again; to end whatever had started with Ramon before it became too serious;.
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